The red book

Red

Life’s Misses & Dissapointment

Struggle
Failure

1. I started writing when I was late 4 Years Old. Learnt to write my name with difficulty.
2. Growing up in K1 & K2, I was bad in Arabic. I was playful and talkative child. During test, I would look up at the ceilling as though there were answers.
3. During Primary 1 Orientation, I asked my father to bring me home so that I can watch power rangers.
4. Growing up from P1, I was good in Bahasa Melayu and Reading. I would get full mark for exams. I was bad at Math and Grammar.
5. I borrowed money from a friend and my father ‘Chilli’ me for lying.
6. Father sent me to community math tuition, $50 per month. I dreaded going for it, would fake sickness. My Math Improve A LOT though.
7. During recess time, would play at the grass field to catch dragonfly. At the end of the day, shoes got soiled and bottle caps gone missing.
8. In primary 2/3 I participated in a story telling competition. I didn’t prepare well but I managed to work last minute to memorise the story. I got 3rd, but didnt get to go to the next round.
9. Became a reading buddy when I was in primary 2.
10. Every morning, would go to Zaki house with Rahman and Fazir to play his console game. I made Zaki cried when I wrongly put a catridge into the game slot, and it got stuck.
11. During recess time and after school, would play soccer using bottle caps.
12. At Primary 3 was when I became more/first time competitive. All thanks to Mdm Asmahlia. She is a freaking rockstar! Got among 1st, 2nd and 3rd in class. Got closed to a girl, Suriani. At the final end exams, I got 4th in class. She got 3rd and into the A class. I lied to my father that I got 3rd. Atleast, I got shortlisted for PREFECT.
13. Primary 4, 6 of us – myself, Mikhail, Rahman, Siedeek, Fazir and Ridhwan or Zulfiqar (I forgot who) called ouselves “EAGLES”. I was co-leader with Rahman. My role was to discipline members and fired any ‘bad’ members.
14. Became Prefect and got closed to 3 seniors Fadli, Anuar and Nasrun. We could ‘take-care’ of the side gate during afternoon assembly.
15. My Prefect Discipline Book had many names except for my friends.

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Bunga Angkasa

Has the spaceship left, or do I still have the time to board an express ship.

Just in time to intercept you?

Kau seperti Bunga yang tumbuh di musim luruh.

Fine, lovely and full of colour.

Your petal is white.

Light, faithful and generous.

And your carry a black tip on each petal.

Not sure why, but this flower is different.

A mystery white flower lei.

Harum dan yang paling berseri di taman.

Maybe she was trying to carry the morning scent on her own.

I don’t know.

Mystery white flower what.

Her scent carry the rest of the flowers around her.

Making sure the rest don’t breakaway.

So its a mystery generous white flower.

Hmmm, okay la can put it that way.

I don’t know why, but this flower intrigues me a lot, and also inspires

Maybe this flower reminded me to start dreaming again.

To be someone I scribbled myself that I want to be.

Of course dream also must got actions.

Finally I started on something that I have been dreading for the past months.

No. I take back my words,

Years.

All I just want to say is You inspired me again.

And I’m thankful of that.

Like Vs Love

So I like you but do I love you?

I don’t know.

I like Mcdonalds. I like Chocolate. I hate green tea, but recently I like Strawberry tea. I like Liverpool since I was 11. I like taking long bus rides while listening to music. I like Running Man, especially monday couple. Of all music instruments, I like guitar. I have 2, name them Alyssa and Christa. I like listening to rock songs with melodic rythm.  And I like to think that I can be better than anyone (Think).

Do I love Macdonalds, Chocolate, Strawberry tea, Liverpool, long bus rides, guitar, music and running man?

Yesterday, I walked into a Macdonalds and suddenly I thought lets just eat at home. Economical. Forever will hate green tea, but as I walked past the drink shelve, I thought I don’t need Strawberry tea, I have milk instead. Healthier. Every morning the first news to be read used to be Liverpool FC but now I want to know all about you. Instead of taking bus, I thought maybe I would walk and listen to music and stretch those muscle instead. Tuesday night is usually Running man night, but now I think I can watch other time. I don’t want to listen to rock songs with melodic rythm anymore, I want to play them. Lastly, maybe instead of thinking, I do it, for you.

So I don’t love Mcdonalds, Chocolate, Strawberry Tea, Liverpool, Long bus rides and Guitars.

Now you.

I like your personality.

Do I love you?

You inspire me. But I don’t know you.

So I don’t love you.

55 Weeks

I admit.
I really screwed up.
But it has been a good lesson.

I miss that satisfactory feeling I get when I did something really really awesome with my real hardwork.
For the past 55 weeks, all I managed to achieve was sloppy work.
I kept catching up and rushing on last minute work and revision.
And all this catching and running away from things made me angry with myself more.

Taking all this within my stride, I really gain a lot as a person.
Like I said, it has been a good lesson.

remember remember remember this –

“It’s not whether we can, it’s whether we want to.”

3 quotes

Hi.
I will make up for the things I have missed.

I will like to share 3 quotes.
3 quotes that will see me through this period.

Decision

“In any moment of decision the best thing you can do is the right thing. The next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worse thing you can do is nothing.”

Love

“If you want a love message to be heard, it has got to be sent out. To keep a lamp burning, we have to keep putting oil in it.”

Past

“Few of us ever livein the present, we are forever anticipating what is to come or remembering what has gone.”

Amin.

Empty Reflection

How do you feel?
What can be done to make things better?
So whats next?

All these questions, I cannot answer them now.

Idiot

When I want something more, I forgot what I already have.
So how do I fight this desire?
I cannot take a knife and pierce it right into my heart.
All I just need now is just a little support thats all.
A little bit of forgiveness to move on.

Great things

I cannot wait to get my CT result back.
I think I will do Great, though I think I might not do too well for DSA.
I cannot wait for Saturday to come.
I am super excited.
I cannot wait for my 2 weeks break to officially start.
I am excited about revamping my desktop and improving myself.
I cannot wait for school to reopen.
I am going for the most important interview of my life and start building software, like for real.
I cannot wait for January to come.
I am going to get my wonderful metalic smile :D
I cannot wait for March to come.
I am excited at learning more about WAD and DSA and take exam.
I cannot wait for my 7 weeks vacation.
I excited about being super busy.
I cannot wait for June to come.
Hopefully, if everything goes well. I will be one step closer to realize my it.

I do not know how hard it will get from here.
I do not know if everything shall go as planned.
I do not know if I get to live everyday.
And I do not know if this is best for me.

But I know that it will get very hectic.
I know that there will be a lot of stress.
I know that there will be a lot of tears.
And I know that I want to do this.

Amin.

42km / Perseverence

Actually I wanted to break down and cry when I finished the 42km marathon.
I know its weird, but during the run I thought a lot about life.
I thought about how there are many people who are homeless and have nothing in this world.
I thought about how many people die everyday because of hunger.
I thought about children who suffer pain and loss at a young age.

And there I was complaining every little thing about
how tired I was.
how the sun was going to kill me.
and how I had to drag my legs across the highway.

I cried because for that moment I could feel their pain and suffering.
And I am grateful for that moment.
After conquering 42km, I feel that if I persevere harder and stronger
there is nothing in this world that I cannot change for the better.
Remember that – “God is with those who persevere.” – Quran quotes (c. 651 AD)