55 Weeks

I admit.
I really screwed up.
But it has been a good lesson.

I miss that satisfactory feeling I get when I did something really really awesome with my real hardwork.
For the past 55 weeks, all I managed to achieve was sloppy work.
I kept catching up and rushing on last minute work and revision.
And all this catching and running away from things made me angry of myself more.

Taking all this within my stride, I really gain a lot as a person.
Like I said, it has been a good lesson.

remember remember remember this -

“It’s not whether we can, it’s whether we want to.”

3 quotes

Hi.
I will make up for the things I have missed.

I will like to share 3 quotes.
3 quotes that will see me through this period.

Decision

“In any moment of decision the best thing you can do is the right thing. The next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worse thing you can do is nothing.”

Love

“If you want a love message to be heard, it has got to be sent out. To keep a lamp burning, we have to keep putting oil in it.”

Past

“Few of us ever livein the present, we are forever anticipating what is to come or remembering what has gone.”

Amin.

Empty Reflection

How do you feel?
What can be done to make things better?
So whats next?

All these questions, I cannot answer them now.

Year 3

This is my 257th post.
Almost 4 years in the making of this blog.
Thank you for following me this far.

Many things have happnened.
The good things that I wish to relive again.
The bad things that I wish I could undo.
Overall I am thankful for everything.
It made me who I am today.

For the past months have been depressed.
I have been living with expectations that I have put myself into.
And now I understand the difference between expectations and goals.

Expectation is something that I wish to see in myself with relating to my past and setbacks.
Whenever I met setbacks, I would pick myself up and move on and work even extra harder so that I will achieve whatever I have expected of myself.
And in the midst of that, I have put a lot of pressure on myself and the people around me.
However, Goal is something I would work on without any past regards to it, and I do it because I want to achieve my goal.

If I keep living with expectation I will never be satisfied
because I know that whatever I am working on is not what I want, but what I have expected of myself.
I know now that I want to achieve is my Goals and not expectations.

“To be the best; the best that I can be.”

Holding Back

Hi. Happy New Year.
One month since my last post.
Haven’t done really much.
I tried to break my habit, but I kept doing it over and over again.
I promise, no more after today.

“Trying doesn’t mean anything if you failed” – Green Hornet
I am still trying.
Sometimes I feel that I am holding back.
I held back the words I wanted to say.
The feelings I wanted to express.
And the actions that I wanted to do.
I kept holding back at these things.
Hmmm, maybe like what Nelson would say – “Lets nature take its course”
And don’t stress myself too much.

Idiot

When I want something more, I forgot what I already have.
So how do I fight this desire?
I cannot take a knife and pierce it right into my heart.
All I just need now is just a little support thats all.
A little bit of forgiveness to move on.

Great things

I cannot wait to get my CT result back.
I think I will do Great, though I think I might not do too well for DSA.
I cannot wait for Saturday to come.
I am super excited.
I cannot wait for my 2 weeks break to officially start.
I am excited about revamping my desktop and improving myself.
I cannot wait for school to reopen.
I am going for the most important interview of my life and start building software, like for real.
I cannot wait for January to come.
I am going to get my wonderful metalic smile :D
I cannot wait for March to come.
I am excited at learning more about WAD and DSA and take exam.
I cannot wait for my 7 weeks vacation.
I excited about being super busy.
I cannot wait for June to come.
Hopefully, if everything goes well. I will be one step closer to realize my it.

I do not know how hard it will get from here.
I do not know if everything shall go as planned.
I do not know if I get to live everyday.
And I do not know if this is best for me.

But I know that it will get very hectic.
I know that there will be a lot of stress.
I know that there will be a lot of tears.
And I know that I want to do this.

Amin.

42km / Perseverence

Actually I wanted to break down and cry when I finished the 42km marathon.
I know its weird, but during the run I thought a lot about life.
I thought about how there are many people who are homeless and have nothing in this world.
I thought about how many people die everyday because of hunger.
I thought about children who suffer pain and loss at a young age.

And there I was complaining every little thing about
how tired I was.
how the sun was going to kill me.
and how I had to drag my legs across the highway.

I cried because for that moment I could feel their pain and suffering.
And I am grateful for that moment.
After conquering 42km, I feel that if I persevere harder and stronger
there is nothing in this world that I cannot change for the better.
Remember that – “God is with those who persevere.” – Quran quotes (c. 651 AD)

Thoughts.

I have a very strong thoughts.
And in some ways, it empower and control me.
I will control my thoughts.
And in return, I will control my Mind, Soul and Emotions.

Self-Discovery Journey / 3rd Week

I forgot that Life is not about how much you have achieved,
It is about how much you have given.
I fall.
I cried.
I picked myself up.
I fall again.
I picked myself up again.
I got lost along the way.
I got back on the right track.
I got lost again.
I got back on the right track again.
I forgave myself.
I moved on.
And I could have not done it without anyone of you.

3rd Week has past.
GPA 4.0 is like hard to get.
C’mon Iszwan, stay focused.
There is something about her.
That I cannot describe in words.
She make me feel secured and in some ways, great to be myself.
She is definitely the most beautiful being I have ever known.
No, actually my mom and late-grandma is the most beautiful being,
Okay shut up.
Stay focused pls.
Hur Hur.